There is a song about the thin line between love and
hate. Well, the same might be said about the fine
line between being assertive and being aggressive.
While for some it might sometimes be difficult to
differentiate between the two, most experts would
say that being assertive means pushing forward your
desires and opinions in a firm, yet respectful
manner. On the other hand, being aggressive
generally means forcing your thoughts and ideas on
others in an obnoxious, bullying way.
Recognizing the Signs of Aggression
Obvious aggression, such as glaring at someone or
trading putdowns, is easy to identify. However, we
often get caught up in the heat of an argument and
don't realize that we have crossed that fine line
from assertiveness to aggression.
To ensure that you stay on track and that your
assertive conversational style doesn't stray into
one of aggression, keep these comparisons in mind:
|
Assertive |
Aggressive |
|
Inclusive, courteous conversational tone |
Intrusive, loud conversational tone |
|
Friendly eye contact |
Glares at others |
|
Participative group behavior |
Controlling group behavior |
|
Open, relaxed body language |
Rigid, stiff body language |
|
Considers feelings of others |
Only considers own feelings |
Remember: It's okay to have a difference of opinion.
And, it's acceptable to stand up for yourself and
fight for what is right. However, what matters is
the way you communicate that difference through your
body language, speech and listening skills.
Analyze Your Behavior
If you haven't considered your behavior before, now
is the time to think about how others see and hear
you. So, are you aggressive or assertive?
People who are aggressive get what they want by
intimidating others. These individuals use bullying,
argumentative tactics - which may actually include
throwing a fit or getting in someone's face - to get
what they want.
Feeling a constant need to control every situation,
aggressive people may shout and speak harshly to
others in order to ensure they are being heard. They
don't care what others have to say; they rarely
listen; and they generally interrupt or intrude into
conversations that don't concern them. Their goal is
to use any means necessary to get what they want,
without worrying if anyone else gets hurt along the
way.
Conversely, assertive people, while firm in their
point of view, are patient. They make their points
politely, never allowing others to take advantage of
their courtesy. Assertive people have the ability to
state their opinions and ideas in a respectful
manner because they value what others think, too.
They can say "no" without offending others, disagree
without arguing, listen without judging, and build
respect and friendship with those around them.
Although they also desire to get what they want,
they execute this goal in a way that is fair and
equitable - not at the expense of others.
Next time you want to convey your point, share your
ideas or state your opinion, consider how you come
across to others, and whether you're displaying
assertive or aggressive behavior.
AUTOEVALUACIÓN
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